Comments of late

I've decided that I'm just going to grin and bear my ILs' visit, and let the "it's just three days" mantra keep running through my head.  I'm also going to look on the bright side and see that since they decided to come down so early, MY parents can come down in early April, which was probably the only time they could have come down before June (what with Pesach at the end of April and then they leave for several weeks in Russia to celebrate their 35th anniversary).

I'm also going to look on the bright side and see that I really, truly believe that K is attaching to us, and that I don't any longer believe that my ILs' visit will affect that.  I had my Bradley class last night, so there were 12 people in my living room.  K came crawling into the room and, instead of going to anyone else, he crawled right over to my lap.  He was perfectly happy to smile and entertain everyone with his adorable antics, but he showed no desire to let anyone else hold him.  He's a pretty happy and outgoing kid, so that helped me see that he really does prefer J and I to other people (he's as willing to go to J as he is to me, thankfully), which is a great start.  I didn't feel anywhere near as positive about it earlier last week, which I'll write about another time.

So, onto some of the comments that I've gotten lately.  I'll limit it to three, but they highlight why I need a blog like this that my family and most of my friends know nothing about.

First, I've had several comments from various members of our family about my other blog, the family one.  While we were in Ethiopia, I wrote an e-mail every other day or so to a friend, who posted them there for me (she doesn't know about this blog, so I couldn't have her do the same here).  Certain relatives on my side of the family are apparently upset that I didn't write more about P while we were in Ethiopia--how P liked the trip, how P was responding to K, etc.  Forgive me for being presumptuous, but P has been the ONLY child we've focused on for 4 years--I kind of felt like K deserved a couple of posts in which he got to be the star.  It's not that there wasn't anything to write or that I didn't want to write about how P was reacting, but K is a brand-new family member.  It was important to me to focus on him as an individual and his needs so that I could figure out how our family needs to adjust with him in it.

Second, the other morning I ran into the father of one of P's classmates while we were dropping our kids off at school.  He asked how things were going and I said that it is going great.  He said "You know, you're not really a parent until you have two."  I didn't even know how to respond to that--fortunately, we were going in opposite directions and I didn't really have time to anyway.  I still don't know how I'd respond to it.

Third, today I ran into another father of one of P's classmates while we were picking our kids up from school.  He said "How's it going, Mommy of two?"  I said it's great, to which he replied "Well, you did it the easy way."  I was taken aback but responded that it had taken us three years and clearance by two governments to get K here--I didn't see a whole lot easy about it.  He agreed that he hadn't really thought of it that way, but that was true.

Thankfully, I haven't gotten any comments yet from well-meaning (or not-so-well-meaning) strangers, just some comments on how cute my son is and questions about where he's from.  I've simply said thank you and told them that he's from Ethiopia.  One man asked if the adoption process was difficult and I said it was at times but that it was clearly well worth it.  He said "That's obvious just looking at your son; he is really beautiful.  Congratulations."

Now that's the way to have a conversation with a stranger.

To end, some pictures (that have a limited blog lifespan, of course):

Comments

[jesspond]

He really IS beautiful, Erin. And P is cute as ever, too!!

Some people are idiots. I'm sure you family was just interested in P as well, but maybe they just weren't being tactful or thinking about things. Then again, I see what you're getting at...if it was a brand new baby you'd just birthed, would they ask for more about P?

"You're not really a parent till you have two"?! I get what they MEANT...they meant that it's really a lot more challenging when you have two+ and I agree with that, but I disagree that you're not a parent till you have two! Sheesh!!

And the same sort of thing with the "you got him the easy way" person...they might have meant to be cute and mean you didn't have to be pregnant or give birth (HAVE to, I know, but it's how the fertile public think of it) but come on. Think before you speak people!!

I think you're taking the whole visit thing so gracefully. :)

[Katrina]

Awwww! What a gorgeous set of sons you have! You look so happy! Congrats again on the arrival of your new cutie-pie son!

[artsweet]

He really is beautiful. And I bite my thumb at your inlaws.

[Rona Michelson]

I think the comment "you're not really a parent until you have two children" comes from an old Bill Cosby routine where he talks about parents who have one child always knowing who did it (took something, broke something, dirtied something) whereas if you have two, then you have to launch into an investigation. His routine was cute and funny, but out of context, the statement clearly makes no sense.

BTW, the pictures are gorgeous. You have two very beautiful little sons!

[rhianna]

Oh, THANK YOU for the pictures! It's really a joy to see all of you. You're handling everything beautifully, friend.

[Artblog]

They are all really senseless, shitty comments, just cant believe people don't think before they open their big mouths!

You have two really handsome little boys there :) They both look very comfortable and content, a joy to see :) Enjoy.

XXX

[Blondie]

Oh Erin, all three of you are just gorgeous! Your boys are pure heaven. Congratulations - big hugs to you.

[Amy]

Oh Erin, you all look amazing! Just so happy. I'm so happy for you. And yes, unfortunately, so many people are idiots. You wouldn't believe the comments I get about my 3rd because he's blond and fair and my other two have dark hair, the "is he yours" comment kills me. Nope, just grabbed him from the sidewalk just the other day. (That's my normal response and I walk way shaking my head). I'm so very happy for all of you, you are absolutely glowing!

[beagle]

I love both photos . . . Both your boys look happy, not to mention adorable!

[ms. sleepingcat]

Wishing you good luck through the weekend of in-laws, and still thinking of your interview this friday.

Thanks so much for the photos... you all look wonderful!

[Heather]

WOW!! Great pictures!! I wasn't at all bothered by the fact that you just focused on K on the other blog. It was his moment and I knew that your feelings for P were not different you were just giving a little time to the new memeber of the family. :-)

[DD]

Um...I'm confused. If I'm not really a parent with just one, what am I? That's how I would have responded to that idiot. It doesn't matter if his thoughts ran towards "parenting two is harder" bull because how does he know who he's saying it to?

How does he know he didn't say that to someone who lost a baby at infancy? Or miscarried P's twin? Or just recently adopted after a couple years of infertility treatments? He was an asshole, and I wouldn't give him the benefit of an excuse.

Sorry, but I really focused on that? How could I not when my mouth literally dropped open?

I still can't believe he's here, Erin. The waiting and waiting and waiting and then BAM! Hello, there, little guy...I bet P is totally in love, too.

[JJ]

Such sweet photos! Love seeing you with your 2 sons=)

[Amanda]

Oh Erin...you are ALL gorgeous, and the look on your face? Pure mama bliss. I love it.

As for the comments, i wish that someone would tell me that I was not really "doing it" with just one child...I need to unload and could do it for both of us!

Love you.

[T with Honey]

Your boys look so happy!

As for the comments... well, I've come to learn that sometimes people just don't think about the words coming out of their mouths and how they may effect other people. Other than family, just let it roll off your back and enjoy P and K.

[electriclady]

Oh Erin, he IS beautiful. And what a great picture--the joy on your face, and big brother P, is just gorgeous.

and like I said before--you can do ANYTHING for 3 days. So glad to hear that K is attaching so well!

[Jennifer]

Some people are dorks, either on purpose or just because they can't help it. My vote is to keep the positive comments (the last one was great) and let the rest go. There are some battles that need to be fought, and others that just need to be ignored. Have fun with the two cuties and forget the rest.

[Jenn]

What an absolutely adorable little family. I'm sooo happy for you guys...
I have my own little mantra- "People are strange'. I just tell myself that when someone says something they really should have thought about beforehand. It lets me respond in a pleasant way. :)

[Eva]

Love the pictures! And of course you were talking mostly about K! Duh! As for the other comments, people say dumb things all the time.

[Mary]

I love the photo of you and the boys. It just makes me all gooey.

That is why I have a friends-locked blog myself -- come to think of it I don't even think you are on there, E -- ;) I think that friends and families (and nosy in-laws) need different sets of information. I feel much more relaxed about posting when I am pretty sure my venting about the latest stupid thing that has happened is not going to come up at a dinner table 500 miles away. Unless they're on my friends list, and then, have at it. ;)

I am boggling at the comments you received about adoption being the easy way. (???) Oh well. Turkeys will be turkeys. Enjoy those darling sons of yours.

[Christy]

Love the pictures! Glad to know I'm not officially a parent yet (unless Shiloh counts) ... What a wierd thing to say.

[hope548]

Both of your boys are beautiful! It's amazing some of the crap people will say! They just really don't understand adoption. Sounds like you handled it gracefully. Glad K is adjusting well and bonding with you both!

[My Reality]

I love the picture of you with your sons!

People can just suck. Present company excluded.

[Carly]

You all look so happy! I'm so happy for you! People are idiots, but it's great you set that one guy staright and he seemed to get it.

[SaraS-P]

He is indeed beautiful.

You look like a happy family (P very much included).